You were my first...I was still a baby myself. But I was smart enough to know that I wanted the best for you & to protect you, even when you were in my stomach. I made sure I ate healthy and stayed away from anything that was harmful. When you were born, I didn't want anyone to touch you for fear of germs they might spread on you.
I loved you more than I knew how. I didn't even know how to love myself unconditionally yet. We grew up together. I remember I used to turn you upside down as a baby just to see your pink nose turn into a heart. When you started walking your spirit took you everywhere. You were my restless baby, my curious baby, my mischievous baby.
As a teen, you had your awkward stage but I am so proud of you for how you handled those nasty girls that were mean to you. I remember taking you to school and wanting to protect you from them. I hated knowing I couldn't literally fight your battles for you. But you have always been such a strong soul. I love you for that. No matter what the universe throws your way, you have always managed to defeat the worse and come out on top. Your spirit is as free as the wind and I love that about you.
Now I sit here and remember a time most recently where you sat across from me. You looked like such the college kid, in your striped sweater from the thrift store and your little hoop nose ring. I just watched you and was amazed on how much you grew up. You were talking about topics people love to debate. You questioned your sisters' decisions and supported me when they didn't understand me.
I am so proud of you. I am so proud of the strong young lady you have become. I love you. With each breath I take, my life is filled with love and it's because of you. I do hold onto a lot of guilt which I'm slowly learning how to let go of. Guilt of not being the greatest mom to you like you deserved. I know I am a good mom, but like most parents, we never think we are enough for our kids. I'm finally at a point in my life, where I can be more at peace with who I am and continue to evolve into. Like I said, we both were growing up together. I'm sorry for all of the tumultuous times we had. But I promise to you that each day I'm learning how to be a better person, a better mom, and it all has to do with you. I love you.
Sometimes I too forget how much you need my kindness or softness. You've done such a great job in dealing with challenges in your life, that I automatically assume you don't need me or my kindness because of your strength. But I realize, we all could use tenderness in our lives. I will try my best for you. If I haven't said it enough, I'll say it again, I love you.