Thick Skin in Hawaii

Underneath the stars at Maunakea with my younger brother being creepy.

Hi, hello, hey there! My apologies for not writing in awhile...so much has been going on. Positive things that is. So not to worry. Today, I wanted to write about my time in Hawaii and a lesson I learned from there. It seems I'm always learning something new. Hence, why I want to share with you. Maybe you can also take my lesson learned and use it to your benefit =)

Let me start off by offering my gratitude for this family trip to Hawaii. My family and I try to do this every summer. However, not all of us can always attend every summer. Like last year, unfortunately, I had to stay behind and work. But none-the-less, I am very thankful I was able to join this year and all the other years before that. 

Hawaii is beautiful with its never ending coastal view, and when the sun sets...oh we are gifted with such a gorgeous sight full of warm colors that melt into one another. The sky starts with a golden orange and melts into a burnt pink which then seamlessly transitions to a bright purple. Add some swaying coconut trees and the pitch dark waves of the ocean and you have yourself a beautiful cocktail of colors for the eyes. It was lovely. 

Our time in Hawaii was never wasted. We rose at 6am and left the house by 7 or 8am for our morning swim at the beach or stand-up paddle boarding at the harbor or hiking near waterfalls. At night, we drove up to Maunakea and stayed as guests under the stars or we sat on the beach at magic sands and watched the sunset to offer its light on the other side of the world. It was magical. As magical and thankful as I am for my experiences, here is where my lesson came in...

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With my babies in Hawaii

Now please remember this was a family trip. With that being said, sometimes personalities and attitudes can get the best of us. Especially when we're doing something with each other every single day and let alone coming home together as well. During the middle of the trip my mom wasn't too pleasant to be around. Could've been caused by many factors...my kids getting on her nerves, she was tired, etc. etc. She started to become kind of mean to my girls. For instance, my middle daughter (who is really insecure about her acne) comes out of the bathroom and lightly announces that it takes her 15 minutes to wash her face etc. (she's on a prescribed skin care routine). My mom thoughtlessly blurts out, "You take so long in the bathroom and you still have all that acne." That not only hurt my daughter but it hurt me. I could tell my daughter's energy level shifted. I asked her to come sit with me but she declined. Next, my brother said something to add insult to injury. That's when my daughter told me she didn't want to participate in today's activities. Here's where I stepped in...

Now I had two choices, either go to the source of my daughter's pain, my family. Or go to the root of my daughter's pain, my daughter. I went to her, the root. I told her she shouldn't let others dictate her emotions. Yes, what they said were hurtful but it is up to her to brush it off and understand their comments were not a reflection of her. Instead, it was a reflection of them. I told her that people treat others how they treat themselves. If they are insecure about their appearance within themselves, they will find fault in other people's appearance. 

I continued to speak to her and encourage her to be her own supporter and motivator. Why? Because I will not always be around to fight her battles every time someone says something hurtful. I told her...and some of you guys may think this was harsh but I told her to grow thicker skin. There will always be someone with negative remarks, and you cannot let these negative comments change the way you go about your day. My daughter wanted to call it quits and stay inside the rest of the day. She allowed their comments to set the tone for her day. Her day is her life. My day is my life, and your day is your life. Each day is all we have...don't ever let someone else set the tone on your life. Yes, there were hurtful comments said but you have to understand that the core of who YOU are should not waver because of others. 

One of my friends asked me did I talk to my mom about it. I told him no. My thought process is this...I know how my mom is. She is a very kind person but sometimes her comments can be thoughtless. Not because she is cruel but because there really isn't any thought behind it. Her statement was neither good nor bad, it was just an observation with a thoughtless reaction. I know if I were to tell her, she wouldn't see it the same way I do. I could waste my energy trying to explain and "teach" her a lesson. But I'd rather use my energy to teach my daughter tools on how to let go of nasty comments and to have a strong core within herself. Like I said, I won't always be there to protect her. As a mom, that's all I want to do for my kids, is to protect them. But since they are embarking on a new journey with college etc. I have to let go and provide them with skills they can use to enjoy their life.

I don't know all of the answers on how to parent or even how to live my own life. What I do know is that I can only do my best and continue to make choices with a positive mindset. Thanks for reading and have a great day!! 

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