Thanksgiving

Hi everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful week/weekend with your loved ones. Mine was pretty busy as I'm sure most of yours were also. 

My mom hosted Thanksgiving at her house, and we all pitched in and brought a dish. I brought brussel sprout salad. Well, actually my friend did, the chef I've been talking to for awhile now on and off. I know I know. I said I was eliminating all distractions from my life which included men. But you know what? I have no idea what I'm doing. I just know to do things with respect, honesty, and as much kindness as possible. No one has the answers on how to live a wholesome life. No one. We all just try our best and that's exactly what I'm doing. Trying my best for myself and those around me. 

Anyhow, I got drunk. I got drunk with my aunt. Chef guy doesn't drink, and maybe I got drunk because I was nervous. This was the first time in over five years I brought a guy around my family. We're not in a relationship but I thought it would be nice to invite him since he was gonna be alone on Thanksgiving (his family's from Denver). He told me he usually rides his bike along the north coast for Thanksgiving. Even though he enjoys riding his motorcycle, I really didn't want him to spend Thanksgiving alone. Hence, the invitation. However, I also enjoy his company. He's such a great man. So kind and patient, especially with me and my crazy indecisiveness. I'm working on this whole commitment issue I have, and he's been right there by my side without any pressure. I love that.

So yea, like I said I got drunk but thankfully with me when I know I've had a little too much to drink I take myself to the nearest bed and take a nap. I probably took a 30 minute nap and rejoined my family whom Chef guy was sweetly interacting with despite my absence. That just made my heart grow fonder for him. I don't know why I decided to drink. That was actually the first time my family's seen me drunk. I barely drink in front of my family because I never really feel the need to let loose. But I guess that night I was kinda jealous. 

In their eyes, I'm guessing they see me as so reserved and "uptight" (neither are true when I'm not at family functions). I mean I'm a mom to three girls. So I don't want them to look at me as irresponsible. In my past, I've done some pretty stupid shit, and I just don't want my family to think I'm the same person. I know some of you might be thinking that if they're family, they should love me unconditionally which I'm sure they do. But this is my own assumption...my own thing I'm working on internally. 

Ok, so back to being kinda jealous. I guess I was jealous of my aunt who is only six years older than me. In our family everyone sees her as the fun one, the playful one, etc. That's usually me (when I'm not around family). Seeing her just let loose and have a good time with everyone even with my date made me want to let loose. But I let too much loose and drank a little more wine than I needed. That'll teach me to force myself unnaturally. 

Overall, Thanksgiving was fun despite my little intermission of the night. After dinner, we all took a walk up to Coit Tower and took some fun family pictures. My chef was such a trooper through it all. I'm starting to really like my time with him. But we will see. I've noticed when I take it day by day, it works so much better for me than to focus on our future. Well that pretty much wraps up my Thanksgiving day. I hope you all had a great time spending it with your loved ones.