I must be honest...I've had a rough couple of weeks. It got so bad that I actually had to call in sick this past Monday. All of the stress I've been experiencing could be caused by or is caused by numerous events happening in my life. For instance, I recently moved, my daughter's car needed a whole new set of brakes for the back and front, my oldest daughter's wisdom teeth are growing in which I need to get pulled out, my commute has gotten an hour longer since I moved, I was pmsing, someone in my new neighborhood took it upon himself to make a u-turn and let me know I was in the middle of the road while driving, yet how he was able to pass me if I was in the middle of the road, I have no clue, and my middle daughter will be leaving to college this September. Her friend who was supposed to get her acclimated on campus passed away last week by a drunk driver. Such a tragedy. My condolences and heart goes out to the family and my daughter for losing a friend at such a young age. I mean so many unfortunate events and a tragedy...but that's how life works, right?
Well, I didn't balance my time sufficiently or take care of myself properly during all of this. I kind of let myself go because I gave myself the excuse that I was going through a lot with the move and all, etc, etc. I stopped making my morning shakes, my bed, and going to bed early. All of which contributed to me calling in sick I figured. I felt like shit. And since I felt like shit, I started feeling sorry for myself. Oh it was bad...I was beating myself up mentally all day Monday. I felt guilty for calling in sick. I moped, I cried, I said, "Why me? Tired of being strong..." Then I cried because I was thankful for being so strong. I was a mess...
Then I told myself just to sleep the whole day through it. That tomorrow I'd feel tons better. Monday came and went...and as I was looking forward to Tuesday, it turned out to be just as bad but with less tears since I was at work. I kept trying to force myself into positive thinking and listening to motivational speakers on YouTube, reading positive affirmations on Instagram. But to no avail could I get out of my rut. I began to beat myself up more. This time for not being able to maintain my positivity 24/7. Questioning who was I to give positive advice to friends when I couldn't even heed myself? My mind was a battle field of self-support and self-destruction, self-love and self-loathing.
Then Wednesday came and although I was still feeling shitty and continued to look for signs of positivity to possibly snap me out of my rut, I decided to call my mom. I had no idea what I was going to talk about but I knew I should start it off with asking her how she was doing. My mom and I talk from time to time and it's always pleasant, thankfully. I don't like to worry my mom so I try my best to tell her about the things that are going right in my life. I proceeded the conversation lightly. Hearing about all the good news going on in her life and feeling so much joy for her. Then it was my turn. Uh oh...well I had such a shitty week. I couldn't tell her that because then she would worry about me. So I started talking about how proud I am of myself for the confidence I have built up throughout the years. Then I trailed off into how I know my worth and won't settle in a relationship. Then I finished it off with how much I value life now and what used to be important to me are no longer relevant. When I got off the phone, I felt powerful and happy. I felt good again. On my way to my new home, I was even greeted by two people in my neighborhood in my car! Funny how the universe works.
I was telling my girlfriend that by sharing my blessings out loud with someone, it really helped me snap out of my rut. It validated where I am in life (which is in a great place) and made me realize that I do have a lot of blessings about myself that I should focus on that are too easily forgotten. After my call with my mom, I felt proud of myself just listening to my own voice and supporting who I am. It's not an easy task to stay on track and support ourselves but at the end of the day it is only up to us to make sure that if we fall off track, we get back on it and keep it moving...
A little about me...
I'm learning how to look at everything with love, even if it seems impossible, like rush hour traffic. I want to share my journey of self-love so that others may want to emulate and pass it on into the universe. Ohh...and sometimes people call me Suzie.