I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day! I for one definitely appreciated spending time with my family. But then again, I always appreciate each day I get to celebrate with my children. But I must be honest about how I'd rather spend Mother's Day. I'd rather spend it alone. Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids with every being of my soul. They are my world, my life. They have given me the gift of love which I will forever be thankful for. However, if Mother's Day is really a celebration for mom's then why are most of us always expected to spend it with our family? There's always that expected brunch or lunch, that expected family outing. You know what? I'd rather not do any of those things on a day that is supposed to celebrate me. You know why? Because I do these things all the time with my family.
My kids don't like staying home every weekend. So I, as their mother (single parent here), must come up with ideas most weekends to keep them from getting cabin fever. One weekend it might be the museum, another, a friend's bbq, or maybe even the movies. And if it's not cabin fever I'm trying to avoid, I have errands to run or a home to clean on the weekends. Which yes, I always try to bring my daughter along when running errands so she doesn't get bored at home.
I'm not a bad mom. NO. It's not because I don't care about my kids. NO. Or that I don't love them. Nope. It's just, well, maybe because I'm just tired or could it be because I just need some quality alone time? YES. I just need time to rejuvenate. I just need time to rest. Rest without interruption and rest without worry about what needs to be done next. I was telling my friend the only alone time I really have is during my commute but that still isn't quality alone time is it? I'm trapped on a busy subway during rush hour for 2 hours one way. Other than that alone time on the subway, most alone time for me are few and far between.
Sure I could've had my alone time on Saturday. But as a single working mom, Saturday is the only day which allows me to run errands on things which wouldn't be possible on Sunday because they're closed, like visits to my mechanic or my cobblers, dry cleaners, etc. So when Saturday is full of catching up on errands or cleaning, I wish for one Sunday of sleeping in without any responsibilities. I will admit, like with most years when Mother's Day creeps up, I experience this low dread in the pit of my belly. And it's not because I don't enjoy spending time with my children, like I said I love them. But with each year on Mother's Day there is always this expectation to go out and "do" something to celebrate. When in all honesty, my version of celebrating is just to be a couch potato. Really, I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!
This Mother's Day is one that I am very thankful for like all the rest. But this Sunday was spent taking my daughter to Haight and Ashbury in the city to look for a specific 80's windbreaker jacket for an 80's day at her school. With all the errands and crap that I needed to do on Saturday, Sunday was the only day to assist with her school activities. And of course, she told me about it that Friday.
I had a great time with my daughter, and I really got into the search for this specific jacket but another part me kept thinking about how much I longed for one day of rejuvenation (sleep really) so I could be refreshed for my Monday back at work and for my 4 hour round trip commute to and from work. But I kept plugging along. Not one complaint peeped out of my mouth about wanting to go home. I was adamant about helping my daughter find this jacket she imagined in her mind. That's how determined I was in helping her get what she wanted. So much so that she actually tired out after the 7th + shop we visited before I did. We never found her jacket but she did pick up some cute items which made her happy and in return made me happy.
One of these days though, I'd love to have one full day to myself without the guilt and worry of wanting to be left alone. Just for ONE day though. I don't want or need it for many days but one day of alone time would be very nice. As much as my Mother's Day has been a blessing and beautiful, one day of alone time without expectation or responsibility would be the fucking shit! Now that would be a real "Mother's Day".
And to all you moms out there, thank you for your time, love, and patience. The world needs more of your unconditional love and a mother's touch. But please be sure to take care of yourself first. Tomorrow after work, I'm going to get a massage before I come home to make dinner. Do something for yourself too even if it's just for an hour. It'll make you a better mom, friend, lover, and overall human being. Plus, you'll teach your kids about self-care.
Ciao and have a lovely night!
A little about me...
I'm learning how to look at everything with love, even if it seems impossible, like rush hour traffic. I want to share my journey of self-love so that others may want to emulate and pass it on into the universe. Ohh...and sometimes people call me Suzie.