Yesterday, I wrote about how the guy I was supposed to meet in NYC didn't work out based on our last conversation. Well, we had another talk last night, and it has been confirmed that we will no longer keep in touch. Such a bummer. In fact, it touched me in such a way that as soon as I got off the phone, I cried. He told me since he travels a lot for work to different countries, a long distance relationship would be too difficult and not a part of his plan. Based on his past experience with long distance relationships, it never worked out for him. After he explained his thought process and how he felt, he asked me about what I thought. Here is what I said, "It's hard for me to talk about how I feel." And here's why...
At this point, he seemed to have already made up his mind about us. To me, his reality was now my reality, and at this point, I felt like my feelings and opinions were invalid. I have been in a situation before where a man told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. I spent three years trying to convince this man otherwise. Three whole years... Like NYC guy, I didn't want to repeat history. What I realized is if a man truly wants to be with you, he will be willing to work on it regardless of the circumstance. He'd want to talk to you and include you on working it out. Not just make the decision by himself of where the relationship is headed. NYC guy didn't include me on the outcome. He already had an idea of the disadvantages in being in a long-term relationship and made a decision for both of us. When you couple both of our past experiences, what you have is one person who doesn't want to make effort and another who doesn't want to have to plead their case. With all this being said and done, when it came my turn to "plead my case" I threw in the towel. I didn't even want to put up a fight. Some of you may be asking, "Why?" So let me clarify...
My position is this, I have been through plenty of interaction with men to figure out what it is that I want. After so many heartaches and hangups, I have realized how resilient and strong I am. I now know what I want and my worth. I need a man who will see my worth and acknowledge it. I don't need a situation where I should have to showcase my value. It's a waste of breath, energy, and time. If a man is clearly telling you it won't work out, listen to him. Because trying to convince him otherwise is just wasting your precious time and energy. Ask yourself, do you really want to waste your valuable time trying to prove your worth? Appreciate him for his honesty and move on or else you will find yourself exhausted, frustrated, and defeated.
Some of you might also say that if you just explained your position, that a compromise might come into fruition. This is true. But again, ask yourself, do you really want to be with a man who starts things off on a negative note? For me, personally, I want to be with someone who is sure about what they want and not someone who is fishing for confirmation or worse validation. If our conversation started off with his concerns of a long-distance relationship and how we together could come up with solutions, I would be all for it. But this wasn't the case. It was very one-sided. Selfish, if you ask me.
I feel like I must also say this... Now, I am one who is all for living in the present moment and letting go of the past and not fast forwarding my life to the unknown. However, my past (like NYC guy) has given me lessons which I utilize today that will benefit me. Yes, not all circumstances will be aligned with our expectations. But the lessons we have learned are great indicators of what we will and won't put up with. In this situation, we both don't want history to repeat itself. So when a man is telling me he can't do something, I have and want to respect that. It's not a debate and shouldn't be one either.
I am my own protector and keeper. I owe myself the best this world has to offer, and although in this situation, it was not what I had initially envisioned, I go with the flow and just think about how exciting it is to know that there is something better out there for me. I'm not hopeful. Hopeful to me seems desperate,wishful...no. I'm faithful. I'm faithful to myself and have faith that I will overcome any challenges that will end in my favor. Here's an example of what I mean by hope verses faith. When we are trying something out for the first time, say...softball, which version gives you more confidence? I hope I am good or I have faith I am good? Go with what gives you more confidence is what I suggest. Stay faithful to yourself and your well-being and you will notice all of the positive manifestations you have created in your life.
A little about me...
I'm learning how to look at everything with love, even if it seems impossible, like rush hour traffic. I want to share my journey of self-love so that others may want to emulate and pass it on into the universe. Ohh...and sometimes people call me Suzie.