Go With The Flow...

Sounds easy enough, right? Well, for most of us, myself included, it has been hard for me to just "go with the flow".  Here's what I have learned recently as far as going with the flow in dating...

I recently met someone a little over a month ago who I flew out to see in Denver. His job requires him to travel to different states and countries. Previously, we went out on an initial date and as disastrous as it was (long story short- the restaurant that I picked was closed on a Sunday, and I was an hour late), we ended up having a great time.  It was totally unexpected. Honestly, I didn't even want to go on this date in the first place and tried calling him to cancel but he was already on his way. And since he travels for work, he was getting dropped off by a taxi, none the less. So I definitely couldn't cancel on him. 

Fast forward to our adventures in Denver...we both flew out there on Thursday and this would be our second time meeting. It was exciting. All I remember is just like our first date, I didn't put much thought into it and just went with the flow of things. He invited, I obliged. I bought my ticket and that was that. Again, I didn't put much thought into it and just went with whatever I felt was right at that moment. It wasn't until I was at the airport, where I had a brief moment thinking, "Wow, I'm actually flying out to see a man I just met a month ago." I didn't question whether it would be fun or not because I wouldn't know until I got there. So why waste energy on something so unknown?

Our plan was to keep it light on Thursday since we were both flying in. Friday we would tour the city of Denver by foot, and then have a really nice dinner somewhere fancy that night. So there was some planning involved. However, things rarely go as planned (for me that is), and we ended up staying in the hotel for the majority of the weekend. Here's why...

He got sick, a sinus infection to be exact and wasn't able to see a doctor until Saturday when he went into work. It didn't hit him until early Friday morning. But Thursday as planned, we stayed in our room and had a relaxing night of playing cards. I did my best in nursing him back to comfort with over the counter meds, a netty pot, and just being there for him when needed. Being in a room for over 36 hours together, you really learn a lot about a person. What I learned is that I really liked him and enjoyed his company despite him being sick. Usually I go on dates and can't wait to get back home. Even though I enjoy a man's company, I much rather enjoy my own. With him it was different, I didn't get sick of spending so much time with him. In fact, I couldn't wait to see him (I did take brief walks alone, since he was too sick to sight-see and get some fresh air) and tell him all about my adventures.

Ok, getting to the point of "going with the flow". Our time together was drawing to a close and it saddened me. So much so, my attitude apparently shifted, and he noticed. I didn't want to say goodbye and didn't know if we would see each other again or not. So, like any other well-rounded mature adult, I took the initiative and made that decision for the both of us. I told him I would never see him again. This comment was made to satisfy my ego and prevent myself from getting hurt (so I thought). In my mind, I predicted the worse outcome possible and decided to roll with it. It was easier for me to see the worse in something verses the best because I have been burnt so many times before.  But honestly, this way of thinking really only sets us back from living a beautiful life we deserve because we are setting ourselves up for failure. If you continue to "protect" yourself from heartache, you're only really protecting your ego. 

He didn't appreciate my comment but my mind was already set and our goodbye was awkward and heartbreaking for me. I was hurt the whole week after our weekend rendezvous and continuously told myself the reasons why we would never see each other again. But you know what? There came a point where I literally had to tell myself to stop over thinking, stop trying to control the situation. The only thing in my control were and are my thoughts. I had to take a moment just to let everything negative I created in my mind GO. I mean, what really was the point of projecting a pessimistic outcome? To drain myself of energy? Because that was exactly what was happening. I was draining myself, doing it to myself. Sure life doesn't always go as planned. So we think by preparing for the worse, we can alleviate the pain. But you know what? We don't exactly know what will happen. So instead of preparing for the worse and draining our energy, why not live in the moment and relax? The pain will be there when that moment comes. If that moment ever even comes. Deal with the situation then, not now. I relaxed and when I did that, we were able to communicate again and have a good time like before. Before when I had no expectations...before when I didn't try to predict the end result...and before when I just went with the flow, everything was a pleasant surprise. 

And guess what?! We're still talking and even trying to plan another weekend to see each other again. This time every time my mind wanders into that land of expectations, predictions, and over-analysis, I literally have to tell myself to let go and go with the flow. We never know what our outcome will be. We just have to live in the moment and have faith that whatever happens, happens, and will be in our favor. If me and this guy no longer talk, I will be fine and if we continue to talk, I will be fine. Either way, I will be fine. So why waste energy on trying to predict the unknown? Just go with the flow...