Fight or Flight

What is it about relationships that scare people away? It seems the norm now is for people to bail vs try. I know in my last blog, I vented about being sick and tired of dealing with a certain man. My feelings haven't changed due to his lack of effort for me. But what I'm talking about is the fight or flight syndrome that seems to be going around during this time of dating. 

I've always been old school and felt that of course my loyalty towards myself was first and foremost. But with the people I love my loyalty also runs deep and rarely wavers. Even towards people who have done me dirty, I'd drop everything just to make sure they are safe. However, I am mindful about not spreading myself too thin. Okay, I digress. So...this fight or flight syndrome that is going around seems to be such a common thing now a days. People meet people and start relationships professing their love only to find out in a few months they can't take it anymore because "...our lives don't mix well. I have to accept all these things to be w/ him but at the end, I'm not happy." I say this because today I get that text from my girl who has been in a committed relationship for several months now. 

I didn't know what to say to her when she told me she wanted to bail on the relationship.  A little part of me wanted to be selfish and say, "yes, do it!" This way I would have my partner in crime back. But as the selfless fucking person that I am, I say something between these lines..."Idk girl. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. Relationships are all about compromise and effort and if it doesn't feel right then do what you gotta do. Nothing is ever smooth sailing. It's just what you choose to put up with and only you know that answer. Whatever you decide, I support you." But honestly, even though a slight part of me wanted to be selfish, another part of me wanted her to fight for her relationship. I don't know what she's decided yet. But it really made me question how easily people throw in the towel these days. 

I'm by far the last person to give relationship advice but I understand how hard it is to make a connection with someone on a romantic level. And when that connection is there then I feel it's worth a fight. Some may not feel the same, and I've had that rejection recently. But it will be ok. It just means that that person wasn't meant for you, and with all your strength you just need to move on. You need someone to match your stride. If you're a fighter, you need a fighter (and I don't mean in terms of drama and causing arguments). If you meet someone that will go through the ends of the world for you as you will for him, and those romantic feelings are mutual, fight for it. But if you have romantic feelings for someone who doesn't appreciate your worth and doesn't want to make effort for your love. Then my dear, you need to fly. 

But think long and hard about your true feelings and if you're honoring your true self. My girl above kind of likes to fly every time the going gets tough. Maybe she needs some sort of validation that she gets from flying away and having her man catch her or she's just not ready for a relationship yet. Who knows? Only she does. If it's the latter, maybe she'll build enough strength to understand that some people are worth fighting for, and maybe he'll be the one she'll learn how to fight for.

My girl and I had a really hard friendship at one point. I kept fighting to keep our friendship alive even after she went to dinner with my then boyfriend. Yea, I valued her friendship more than I valued my relationship with that guy. But there came a point when enough was enough and after several years of trying with her, I had to cut it off.

However, a couple years later, I see her at a wedding and I tried my best to be cordial and ignore her, she started fighting her way back into my life. She changed, and after I saw her efforts and her fight for my attention, we have been inseparable ever since. Our relationship is the strongest it's ever been, and I am so thankful she didn't give up on us when I had no more fight left in me towards our relationship. That's what it takes to be in a relationship: strength and perseverance, through thick and thin, and in sickness and in health. Sometimes you'll just meet people you have to fight for and sometimes you'll meet people that will make it easy to be with. I have the best of both worlds when it comes to my friends.

But I'll tell you what, my relationship with my girl who fought her way back into my life is the most open and honest relationship I have ever had. I know I can tell her ANYTHING and she wouldn't bat an eye. It's a mutual relationship because God knows she tells me shit I really didn't need to know but that's ok because I would move mountains for my girl, and I know she would do the same. 

Some people come into your life to teach you how to fight and some people come into your life to teach you how to fly. And that's the thing, determine how much you are willing to fight for them (without losing yourself in the process) and if the efforts are returned then keep fighting for it. But if not returned (and your self worth is being questioned), then baby girl, you need to set yourself free and fly!