Now I know my last two posts have been related to dating, and yes, it is because I am single and during my free time, I like to date. Not as much as before, but still a part of my life. I make time to date because to me it's an important part of my social life. I need a social life so that I don't get so consumed in my mommy or work life.
The advice I am about to give you now is just that, advice. Not something you absolutely have to heed but just take into consideration. What may work for me may not work for you. Let me just go off on a tangent really quick...
When I was starting on my spiritual journey of self-love, I used to read lots of books, research self-love and spiritual growth on lots of sites, and just basically submerse myself in anything relating to self evolution and love. At one point, I became a mad woman at all these self-love lectures and literature. Why? Because some of them contradicted each other. Like the ironic case of letting go and going with the flow and you got to go after what you want and never give up. Sound familiar? Well all these contradicting advice started to drive me crazy! I would literally sit there and wonder, "Am I doing everything exactly the way the book told me to? If not, is this why I am not achieving my desires with the law of attraction?" Well another piece of advice was to not have any desires! I literally took each book I read for verbatim! That was a complete no-no.
Now, I have learned to pick and chose each piece of advice that I read, hear, or see that I feel will work for me with my lifestyle and my beliefs. I take the piece of advice that makes me feel positive and is easiest to achieve. There are no right or wrong answers. What I realized when reading all of those self help books is that the authors themselves didn't know the definite answers either. They were just sharing what worked for them and hoping it may help others. Like religion, I take a piece of what I like from each religion to create my own. When it comes down to core of things, what my goal is in life is to make sure I love myself unconditionally. I mean, isn't that what we all would like to achieve? Okay, okay... so getting back to dating 101. Here is some advice that has worked for me that I would like to share.
Yes, this is very cliche to say but it's true. It sounds easy enough but I will be the first one to admit, being yourself isn't always the easiest to achieve. For me, it took time, and I have been single for five years. I remember when I first started dating, I was very green and started to observe the guy I was dating. I would do so not in hopes of getting to know him better as a person but more so to get to know him so I could please him and cater to his personality. What a mistake. Again, so much time and energy wasted. I thought the key to "keeping a man" meant to tailor myself to fit him. It wasn't shortly after that I realized, I did not want to waste my time anymore. It was because of questions of worthiness that made me feel that way. Like...was I good enough? Are they on the search for something better? I must prove to him I am the "better" one. Blah, blah, blah...
Ask yourself, if you are questioning your worth, is he really worth it? Anytime you have to question your self-worth it's probably best to move on. And rest assured, the universe has your back. If the situation did not end the way you expected, think about how the universe has saved you from further heartache. Trust me, I have dated lots of men and have had my heart broken plenty of times. But looking back now, I'm thankful things ended when they did (yes, another cliche). What I know now is that I want to be with someone that will accept me for me wholeheartedly. Not the sex pot he craves for or the academically inclined person he loves to debate with. I am everything I want to be not everything these men want me to be. I choose to be how I feel at that moment, not how they feel. Its freeing and refreshing to let go of expectations. And I have peace with knowing that who ever I settle down with will love me truly for me. When ever I get in a position where I question whether or not I am doing the right thing or acting the right way or worthy of his time, I tell myself, "Fuck it. Just continue being yourself, and if he doesn't like you, fuck him. His loss!" I literally say that (in my head)! It makes dating so much easier. No pressure or expectations for both you and him.
Have fun and stay busy
Dating in the beginning is great fun. But pretty soon people tend to become jaded because they haven't met the "one" like they intended to within a year or two or even five. That may be because we have an idea or picture in our mind of what the end result should be and a time frame of when it should happen. This is great to a certain extent but could also lead to disappointment. Especially when things don't happen by our imaginary deadline. When we start dating and meet a potential partner, things are great in the beginning. Then we start daydreaming about our future with this person, rearranging our plans and schedule around this person. Yes, when we meet someone that has potential, we are supposed to make time for them. BUT we cannot lose ourselves in the process. It's important to make time for them, yes. But it is even more important to have our own lives in the process and make time for our own hobbies. This way if things don't go as planned like our beautiful mind pictured, we'll have comfort in knowing that we still have our life and can continue with baking that delicious chocolate cake we've been dying to try (and you never know, maybe by the time you perfected the recipe, you'll have a worthy partner to share it with).
When we have a life of our own, we don't put as much urgency on finding a partner and this helps us relax and offer a more positive version of ourselves. Dating is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be relaxed and a time where we get to meet someone and have fun learning about them. The only agenda that needs to happen is to make sure that we are happy and healthy. Having someone in your life is great! But happiness can only come from inside of you. Not from validation of an external source, like a man (no offense guys). Because what happens if that man disappears? Then your happiness disappears too? What makes you a strong woman is knowing that your happiness comes from only you. Your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-image...all of this should be positively cemented inside of you before you start looking for someone else to do the cementing for you. You know why? Because even if you meet a great guy who offers you daily affirmations on the wonderful woman you are, you won't believe a million, "You're beautiful!" from him until you can truly tell yourself that and believe your own voice.
So go out there and have your own life which includes dating. Have fun..stay busy but most importantly be good to yourself first by living a positive lifestyle.
A little about me...
I'm learning how to look at everything with love, even if it seems impossible, like rush hour traffic. I want to share my journey of self-love so that others may want to emulate and pass it on into the universe. Ohh...and sometimes people call me Suzie.