This is for all my single mommas...and just a good read for all mommys & non mommys as well lol. I wanted to talk about how we view baggages and blessings in our life, the words we use, and how we use them.
I've been a single mom for quite some time now. I remember when I first started dating right after I left my daughters' dad, I always made sure my daughters always came first. Now when I say came first, I mean as in how I value my girls. My time wasn't always for them because I too needed a break but their overall well-being is what I always kept in mind. I'd like to say that I have been successful in choosing the men I've dated seriously to be a part of our lives. Although not many, the guys who I have had a serious relationship with always respected and loved my girls. Til this day, my ex who helped me raise my girls for about seven years, still keeps in touch with them. When I met him, he was single and never dated anyone with kids (most the men I date usually don't have kids). I remember my girlfriend asking me how I do it? Like me, she also had three kids and was single. But for some reason could not attract quality men. Here is what I did differently...
I tossed out that term "baggage". I never thought of my kids as baggage. NEVER. I don't know why or how baggage was linked to children but it's negative and completely off key. I have, however, always viewed my girls as blessings. I see so many young moms view their dating life as over because of how much baggage they carry (meaning kids). Thinking that if it's hard for them to carry around so much "baggage" how could anyone else want to take on the load? How you view your life is how others will view yours as well.
Like I said, I always thought of my girls as blessings and when I started dating, I always thought about how lucky the guy I would settle down with would be (of course me and the girls would be lucky too). But my thought process is this (and I'm sure there are some who disagree but that's why they wouldn't be for me), I figured whomever I choose in our lives would have the blessings of not only my love but that of my three girls. How beautiful is that? Four blessings. Love is beautiful and pure. When you can have love in all facets of life, it can only enrich you, I'd like to think.
My ex and I lasted for about seven years before I decided to spread my wings and grow into my own. He has helped me at the most perfect timing and has created a lifetime relationship with both my girls and I. In the past, people never thought he would ever settle down with someone with "baggage". He was your typical single guy. Had multiple women he dated and was even labeled as, "Mr. International" for all the different women he dated. When he found out I had kids, he was hesitant, and I was indifferent. Whether he wanted to be with me or not, would not change me as a mother. Because to me, my kids are blessings, and I let him know this fact. But I didn't fight it or defend it. I just stated the truth. For seven years he spoiled all of us, and we spoiled him with our love. He still calls to check in on the girls. In fact, this summer, the two youngest spent time with him and his new family in So-Cal. We have been blessed with his gift of loving us and he has been blessed with ours.
Now that I'm dating again, I still hold the same thought process about my blessings and have been blessed with many great men in my life. My home is fun and loving with "lots of life" as one of my girlfriend puts it. That is a true blessing all on its own. I look forward to committing to someone in the near future and sharing my life and my blessings with that special someone. And if you're single (whether you're a mom or not), you should look forward to it too. My dear, you are such a blessing all on your own as well. Please be mindful and respectful as to how you view yourself and others in life. The more positive you are the more positive will surface around you. You deserve that and so does your family.
A little about me...
I'm learning how to look at everything with love, even if it seems impossible, like rush hour traffic. I want to share my journey of self-love so that others may want to emulate and pass it on into the universe. Ohh...and sometimes people call me Suzie.